No Distinctions (Monastery Visit-Part Two)

“The Sangha is invited to come back to their breathing. Let the whole Sangha breathe as one body, chant as one body, listen as one body and transcend the boundaries of the delusive self, liberating from the superiority complex, the inferiority complex, and the equality complex.”
(Thich Nhat Hanh)

One of the most profound moments of realization from our recent trip to Magnolia Grove Monastery came when, during a question and answer session, a young girl named Quin asked Thay:  "I wanted to ask how I can relate to another person and love the person with my whole heart and not feel superior, or inferior or equal to the person.  It's a very hard concept for me to grasp because sometimes I feel jealous or inferior than another person and it makes me suffer a lot."  Thay answered gently: "When we see the other person, we should recognize that in him or her there is suffering also.  There is suffering in us for sure, but there is suffering in him and in her too, so you have something in common - both of you suffer. Based upon that it is possible to help each other to suffer less. And you forget about that you are equal to him or better than him or are worth less than him.  To suffer is not a bad thing.  Suffering is an ingredient with which we can make happiness  The practice consists of learning how to make good use of the suffering in order to create happiness.  We know that comparing and these other complexes create suffering, so we give priority to the practice of recognizing the suffering in us and in the other person.  The first thing we do is to help them to suffer less, because that person may look like she does not suffer, but that's not true... that is not true.  That person may look very fancy, but there is one thing that is certain; there is suffering in him or in her, and if you can touch that compassion in you it will arise and it will protect you from afflictions such as jealously, superiority, and inferiority."

When we meet or see others, there is often a tendency to compare.  There always seems to be a part of us that is summing up whether we are superior, inferior or equal to the person we see or meet.  Our practice helps us to free ourselves from all distinctions, to understand that I am in you and you are in me.  No distinctions.  No separation.  Just inter-being as Thay calls it.  This has helped me immensely in the few days it's been since Thay talked about it.  When a situation arises that causes either of these complexes to surface, I come back to my breath and remind myself that there are no distinctions between myself and the person in front of me.  

When we look deeply and touch the heart of our suffering, we recognize and connect with each person we come into contact with on a profound level.  This is how we open the door to our heart.

Next time you find yourself confronted with feelings of superiority, inferiority or even equality, look deeply at the person in front of you and with your whole heart, recognize their suffering, remember you suffer too and know that you both share the capacity to create happiness out of this shared suffering.

Until next time...

 

(photo by John Cotterman, one of our work family members on the retreat)

Please Call Me By My True Names

Portion of a poem by Thich Nhat Hanh

My joy is like a spring, so warm

it makes flowers bloom all over the Earth.

My pain is like a river of tears,

so vast it fills the four oceans.

Please call me by my true names,

so I can hear all my cries and laughter at once,

so I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names,

so I can wake up

and the door of my heart

could be left open,

the door of compassion.