Mother Mindfulness

“The child is in me still and sometimes not so still.”  

-Fred Rogers

I recently spent some time with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Claire and her gorgeous baby daughter, Vivienne.  One thing that strikes me as utterly beautiful and amazing is how loving and patient Claire is with her children. I've known her for a long time and it warms my heart to see her blossoming into such an extraordinary mother.

Having grown up with loving yet somewhat impatient parents, I am inspired by Claire's ability to deliver comfort with patience and ease.  Her love and nurturing is beautiful to witness. Though I'm sure at times Claire is not feeling so patient, she rarely lets it show and instead simply allows Vivienne to have her tantrum by holding her calmly, soothingly, and not putting her down until the strong emotion or sensation has dissolved.

Regardless of how much love we received or did not receive as children, regardless of how much older, wiser or more mature we've become, we all have an "inner child" existing somewhere beneath the surface.  Most of the time when a strong emotion passes over us as adults, its roots reach far back to an experience or experiences that we had as children. These seeds that were planted long ago can affect the feeling of not belonging, of not being listened to or heard, a feeling of being afraid, inferior, angry, vulnerable or alone.  These seeds grow into big emotions when, as adults, we are faced with the very same experiences that planted those seeds in the first place (a spouse who isn't hearing your needs, an impatient co-worker who says something to make you feel inferior, etc).  Sensing this, our inner child starts to have a tantrum and often times there is no one there to soothe those strong feelings.

Enter the practice of mindfulness.  Thich Nhat Hanh says that mindfulness can act as a nurturing mother in times of powerful feelings.  He says that we can soothe the strong emotions we encounter by cradling them with mindfulness.  We can go home to ourselves and comfort the little child inside, listen to our child, and respond directly to him/her.

As a part of my practice, whenever I feel a strong reaction to something, I immediately bring my attention to it (instead of pushing it away or suppressing it) and I allow my attention to hold it, like Claire holds a fussy Vivienne.  I acknowledge the presence of anger, sadness, anxiety, remorse, judgement, etc. and let it know that I am there for it, holding it and not abandoning it until it feels soothed and attended to.  Once I do this, the intensity of the emotion begins to subside and I can act from a place of compassion and clarity instead of anger or defensiveness.  It's a very simple but powerful practice!

Practice this today and every day and watch your reactions, your suffering and your misperceptions be transformed.  Do this for yourself, your loved ones and the world.

Until next time...

“The most sophisticated people I know - inside they are all children. ” 

― Jim Henson

Taking Care of Anger

(from the Plum Village website: www.plumvillage.org)

"Thay often compares our anger to a small child, crying out to his mother. When the child cries the mother takes him gently in her arms and listens and observes carefully to find out what is wrong. The loving action of holding her child with her tenderness, already soothes the baby’s suffering. Likewise, we can take our anger in our loving arms and right away we will feel a relief. We don’t need to reject our anger. It is a part of us that needs our love and deep listening just as a baby does.

After the baby has calmed down, the mother can feel if the baby has a fever or needs a change of diaper. When we feel calm and cool, we too can look deeply at our anger and see clearly the conditions allowing our anger to rise.

When we feel angry it is best to refrain from saying or doing anything. We may like to withdraw our attention from the person or situation, which is watering the seed of anger in us. We should take this time to come back to ourselves. We can practice conscious breathing and outdoor walking meditation to calm and refresh our mind and body. After we feel calmer and more relaxed we can begin to look deeply at ourselves and at the person and situation causing anger to arise in us. Often, when we have a difficulty with a particular person, he or she may have a characteristic that reflects a weakness of our own which is difficult to accept. As we grow to love and accept ourselves this will naturally spread to those around us."

Walking

Wanderer, your footsteps are
the road, and nothing more;
wanderer, there is no road,
the road is made by walking.
By walking one makes the road,
and upon glancing behind
one sees the path
that never will be trod again.
Wanderer, there is no road--
Only wakes upon the sea.
-Antonio Machado

I love to take walks.  I suppose it's because, like yoga, walking can be a moving meditation, a way to see where we are resisting life, and a tool to help us to let go of the resisting. As I walked yesterday morning, I was reminded of the beauty of just being: warm sunlight, cool air, the scent of drying leaves, freshly cut grass, the sound of leaf blowers in the distance, hawks calling out high overhead, the scratching sound of squirrels chasing each other around trunks of trees, the soothing sound of gentle breezes moving the tops of trees sending colorful leaves gracefully tumbling to the ground, the way my feet connected with the earth without me having to think about it. Such miracles! We practice walking so that each step quietly unfolds in front of us and so that we can be there to witness that unfolding.  We walk simply to walk and enjoy the miracle of being alive.  We walk to awaken to the conditions of happiness and contentment that exist around us and in us.

Our practice - whether it is walking, breathing, asana, meditation - is a good remedy for our wayward minds and forgetful hearts.  It reminds us to live our lives with our eyes, hearts, and minds open.  It reminds us to really see, experience, and feel without regret or remorse.  Our practice points us towards kindness and love and we endeavor to allow ourselves to unfold into each moment as it arrives. 

I suppose the trick is to trust that the path will unfold with each step taken, not getting stuck where we've been or caught up with where we're headed, just awakening to what is in us and around us NOW.  Practice is creating the art of living beautifully, honestly and with strength and dignity.  If we want to live in peace with ourselves, each other and the earth, we practice dedicating ourselves to walking mindfully through the world.  We can understand this intellectually, we can read about it, hear dharma talks about it, but until we actually practice experiencing it, we cannot know its true meaning. Our life is the practice.

Try it today.  As you walk through your day, be aware of how you're moving, breathing, thinking.  Take the time to pay attention and to become more mindful of the energy you bring to your life and the world.

Until next time...

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”

― Thich Nhat Hanh


Walking Meditation 
(in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh)

Wherever we walk, we can practice meditation. This means that we know that we are walking. We walk just for walking. We walk with freedom and solidity, no longer in a hurry. We are present with each step. And when we wish to talk we stop our movement and give our full attention to the other person, to our words and to listening.

Walking in this way should not be a privilege. We should be able to do it in every moment. Look around and see how vast life is, the trees, the white clouds, the limitless sky. Listen to the birds. Feel the fresh breeze. Life is all around and we are alive and healthy and capable of walking in peace. Let us walk as a free person and feel our steps get lighter. Let us enjoy every step we make. Each step is nourishing and healing. As we walk, imprint our gratitude and our love on the earth. We may like to use a mantra as we walk. Taking two or three steps for each in-breath and each out-breath:

Breathing in "I have arrived"; Breathing out "I am home"

Breathing in "In the here"; Breathing out "In the now"Breathing in "I am solid"; Breathing out "I am free"Breathing in "In the ultimate"; Breathing out "I dwell"

Snap Shot: A Love Story

While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see.  

~Dorothea Lange

I've fallen in madly love with photography again.  Photography and I have had a sweet and tender history together that started during my junior year of high school.  It was the summer before junior year that I discovered the thick, dusty albums filled with neatly arranged photographs that my parents had taken in the early 60's during their courtship and travels.  Little square snapshots, anchored onto the album page by small black corner pockets, each one looking like a tiny piece of art.  Warm, saturated colors, thick photography paper… I was hooked!  Once I graduated from high school, however, and entered into the world of college and work, photography and I sadly lost touch.

We rekindled our connection on the campus of USC 11 or so years ago, during a photography course, and were inseparable for a long time, but alas, photography is NOT a cheap date.  Due to the amount of expensive equipment photography required, and how much it cost to buy and process film, we quietly went our separate ways again and haven't seen each other for a long time.  Over the years I've thought about photography and wondered how it was doing.  I guess you could say I was wistful about the lack of photography in my life.

We unexpectedly bumped into each other again recently and discovered that we are now both in very different places than we were when we last saw each other. It seems that photography has matured and has changed a lot (it's now wonderfully digital!).  It has become SO accessible, straightforward and much less complicated.  I too have changed a lot.  I've also become more accessible, straightforward and much less complicated.  The time certainly seems right for us to reconnect and stay together.  It appears that photography has a lot to teach me and I am ready to learn.

The first lesson photography teaches us is how to focus.  Our practice, like taking pictures helps us to see 

ourselves and the world rather than just look at them.  Our focus defines our life.  Our perception is determined by what we choose to focus on.  We can use our ability to focus our attention in a way that causes an empowering shift in our perception… or not. It doesn’t matter whether we are looking at a person, situation, or an experience. We can control what our picture looks like by controlling what we choose to focus on.  On the mat and in life, if you focus intently on the positive aspects of any person, place, or thing, the negative aspects will fade into the background. They will still exist, but they will be outside of your field of concentration, and will have little or no influence on the picture you see.

Photography also teaches us that the light we shine on our subject determines how we see it.  In photographic terms this is called "value", in terms of our practice this is called "self-observation".  If we deem a subject to be very important, we shine a spotlight on it so we can see its every detail.  If something has less importance, we don't shine as much light on it so that it doesn't distract us from what we're gravitating towards.  On our yoga mats we do this breath by breath, taking snapshots of how we are in each posture, each breath, in each moment.

When we practice assigning more value and positive energy to the things in our lives that we have gratitude for, we bring those things into sharp focus.  They become higher on our list of priorities and attract more of our attention.  As a result, the negative details of life will slowly hold less weight.

In photography, as in life or our practice, we need to make choices about what we are willing to expose ourselves to and for how long. Our time is so precious.  Being aware of how we use the time we have available to us is an important practice.  Perhaps THE most important!

If we spend too much time focusing on unimportant activities (overexposing yourself), we end up underexposing ourselves to the really important ones. And sometimes, let's face it, we also need to acknowledge that some things are not worth exposing ourselves to at all.

When we learn to look through the lens of our soul we begin to see with greater focus, clarity and compassion.  We start to distill life and its moments down to the essence of what is important to nourish our spiritual growth and how we can see the world from this new expanded field of awareness.

As you move through the world today, what will your focus be? 

Until next time...

"A great photograph is one that fully expresses what one feels, in the deepest sense, about what is being photographed."  -Ansel Adams

Monsters?

"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them."  

~Andre Gide

One of my favorite teachers, Erich Schiffmann, often uses an analogy during his training workshops that has really stuck with me over the years.  He talks about how we, as spiritual beings, live in "houses" with dirty windows.  He says that our windows to the world have become so dirty and caked with filth that we are unable to clearly see anything that is going on outside ourselves.  

With his typical dry humor, Erich paints a mental picture for us: We're inside our house, very little light is coming through the dirty window, but suddenly we see someone trying to peer in.  But because the window is so dirty, our vision becomes distorted, and from our perspective it appears that a monster is looking in with a grimace.  We recoil in fear… a monster!  EEEEEEK!  

Having dirty windows makes the world seem like little more than a background to our ceaseless thinking; a blurry landscape that passes before our eyes as we focus on - most likely - our wrong perception of things. When we get up the courage to wipe the window clean, we see that in reality there is not a monster outside the window, but some saintly person (Erich used Jesus as an example, but you can insert whoever your idea of a peaceful, friendly, loving person or spiritual teacher may be).  Because our view was so warped, we actually saw this vision of peace as a something ugly and harmful: a monster!  

Erich says our practice gives us the tools of a handy dandy "mental squeegee" and spiritual Windex, and with practice, patience and compassion, we learn to first clean off the lense of the mind, then to keep it clean.

The Buddhists call this "Right View".  Right View supports wisdom, and they believe that the capacity to wake up and understand things as they are (washing our inner windows as it were), is present in each of us.  Thich Nhat Hanh writes: “Our happiness and the happiness of those around us depend on our degree of Right View. Touching reality deeply — knowing what is going on inside and outside of ourselves is the way to liberate ourselves from the suffering that is caused by wrong perceptions. Right View is not an ideology, a system, or even a path. It is the insight we have into the reality of life, a living insight that fills us with understanding, peace, and love.” (The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, page 51).

Imagine how living in the moment, without constantly evaluating, analyzing and being fearful, would change your perception of yourself and your life. To practice Right View takes courage.  We start by looking deeply at what is causing our windows to get so dirty. This takes patient exploration, asking ourselves the big questions and answering them honestly, such as: "Why does this person bring up anger in me?", "Why does this situation spark fear in me?", or "What makes me resist taking responsibility for ____?".   As perception arises we have to ask ourselves again and again, "Am I  sure?".  Until we see clearly, our wrong perceptions will prevent us from having Right View.  Right View is the big squeegee that clears the window of the mind, heart and spirit and allows us to live more peacefully.

We practice so that we can take back this moment.  Not just to experience it, but also to discover the reality of who we are.  What we begin to see as the windows get cleaned is that we are more than the thoughts and perceptions that bind us.  Until we clean the windows and observe the truest nature of things without opinion, we will not find ourselves as we were meant to be… compassionate, loving and kind. 

Grab your squeegee and a big ol' spray bottle of Windex and I'll see you on the other side of the window :)

Until next time...

"I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations."

(From The Five Mindfulness Trainings in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh)

perception |pərˈsep sh ən|nounthe ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through thesenses : the normal limits to human perception.• the state of being or process of becoming aware of something in such a way : the perception of pain.• a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression : Hollywood's perception of the tastes of the American public | we need to challenge many popular perceptions of old age.• intuitive understanding and insight : “He wouldn't have accepted,” said my mother with unusual perception.
Halloween Playlist:The Shankill Butchers-The DecemberistEnter Sandman-The Buddha Lounge Ensemble Rama Lama-Sons and DaughtersHell-Squirrel Nut ZippersDevil's Haircut-BeckLittle Ghost-The White StripesLake of Fire-NirvanaPeople Are Strange-The DoorsI Put A Spell On You-Creedence Clearwater RevivalZombie-The Cranberries25 Minutes To Go-Johnny CashDevil Town-Bright EyesEvil-Howlin' WolfKarma Police-FlunkHouse of The Rising Sun-Cat PowerSkeletons (Acoustic)-Yeah Yeah Yeah'sWitch-BellyInto Dust-Mazzy StarShaman's Fire, Navel-Jonathan Goldman

Traveling Well

"It is better to travel well than to arrive." 

(attributed to The Buddha)

I've been thinking a lot about journeys lately, having just returned from a very transformative one earlier this month.  But I've also been thinking of the other journeys that we find ourselves traveling throughout the course of our lives, the ones that don't necessarily require cars, trains, or planes. The journey of our soul/spirit.  The journey that we take step-by-step, breath-by-breath, moment-to-moment.

John and I have delightful neighbors, a 90 year old couple named Mr. and Mrs. C.  Last Tuesday, Mrs. C. fell while getting up after a nap and she broke her hip.  She was fine in all respects except for the pain in her hip.  Before the EMT's wheeled her out of her house, she calmly reminded her son to "please make sure you finish the stew", and off she went.  The next day, as doctors were preparing her for surgery to repair the bones, she passed away.  Although Mrs. C. was 90 years old and had led a very long life, the news still came as a shock.  It was so unexpected and sad.

Mrs. C. and her husband had been married for 70 years (yep-70!).  They have five grown children and many grand and great-grandchildren.  Mr. C. is a World War II veteran and a life-long military man.  They've had many, many years of exciting travels, and experiences.  One of the most poignant aspects of this story is how well regarded Mrs. C. was by the many people who knew her.  At her funeral services the words sweet, loving, loyal, calm, and caring, kept coming up again and again by those who stood up to speak about her.  She had a very long and fruitful journey in this life, and by all accounts she traveled well.  She left a lasting legacy of calm abiding to her family and friends.

We get on our mat or meditation cushion so that we can open our eyes, hearts and minds to all of the conditions of happiness available to us in any given moment.  What we begin to awaken to is that our journey through life is what we make it.  We can choose to see the beauty of the scenery around us, or we can create a desolate vision of what's around us.  Ultimately the question is: When the journey ends, will you be able to say that you traveled well? 

Our dedicated practice teaches us how to travel well.  The twists, turns, and straight highways, back roads and trails of our life teach us that no matter what lies in our path, we have the capacity to find and deeply touch peace.  The journey is not always easy, in fact it is sure to be arduous at times, but peace is available with each step, breath and moment.

Take the time to enrich your travels.  

Until next time...

.

Walking Meditation

by Thich Nhat Hanh

Take my hand.

We will walk.

We will only walk.

We will enjoy our walk

without thinking of arriving anywhere.

Walk peacefully.

Walk happily.

Our walk is a peace walk.

Our walk is a happiness walk.

Then we learn 

that there is no peace walk;

that peace is the walk;

that there is no happiness walk;

that happiness is the walk.

We walk for ourselves.

We walk for everyone

always hand in hand.

Walk and touch peace every moment.

Walk and ouch happiness every moment.

Each step brings a fresh breeze.

Each step makes a flower bloom under our feet.

Kiss the earth with your feet.

Print on Earth your love and happiness.

Earth will be safe

when we feel in us enough safety.

What's Not Wrong?

"We should learn to ask, "What's not wrong?" and be in touch with that.  There are many elements in the world and within our bodies, feelings, perceptions, and consciousness that are wholesome, refreshing, and healing.  If we block ourselves, if we stay in the prison of our sorrow, we will not be in touch with these healing elements."

-Thich Nhat Hanh-Peace Is Every Step

Last Saturday I led a "Working With The Bones" workshop which was designed to illustrate how there are eight major joints of the body (wrists, elbows, shoulders, neck, lumbar spine, pelvis/femur, knees, ankles), as well as muscle tension that can effect our range of motion.  We had tons of fun finding out how different each body in the room was.  

One of the points I stressed was that although we may encounter limited range of motion in some poses, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us.  We live in a strange culture that pushes an image of perfection at us and looking at the glossy pages of Yoga Journal magazine - replete with airbrushed fitness models - one might get a bit discouraged at what their body can't do in comparison to the "yogi" on the cover.

Sadly, we often get so conditioned to focus on what's "wrong" with us or our lives, all of the things that are missing, that we forget to note all of the many wonderful things that are present.  If you took a moment to write down the things that you think are "wrong" or missing from your life (not enough money, can't get into side crow pose no matter how hard I try, not tall enough, etc), but also jotted down the things that are NOT wrong (healthy body, strong legs, roof over my head, steady work, food!), I guarantee you that the list of what's NOT wrong will be much, much longer than what is wrong.

In terms of our yoga practice, once we know how to align our bodies and establish solid postures, we then begin to focus on the deeper and much more fulfilling practice, which is to open our hearts to compassion, tenderness, presence and understanding.  We stop focusing on "good" or "bad", "right" or "wrong" and become open to the joy available in what "is".  We don't change the world by perfecting a binding side angle pose (Utthita Parsvakonasana).  The world doesn't necessarily benefit from our ability or inability to rock a handstand in the middle of the room.  We change the world by looking deeply at ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses with compassion, and by using our awareness to transform our suffering.  We change the world by opening the door of our heart and living from a place of peaceful abiding.  Sure, we can help ourselves to do this through a devoted asana practice, but ultimately our practice deepens by recognizing all of the things the aren't wrong with ourselves, our lives, and our world.

Try it today.  Make a list of the things in your life that are "wrong" (not enough money, can't do lotus position, cranky co-worker, etc).  On another sheet of paper, take some time to think of all the things that aren't wrong (the presence of food on the table, clothing on your back, can do triangle, have a secure job, etc).  Take a look at the two lists side by side… I guarantee that the list of things that aren't wrong is much, much longer than all of the things that are.

Until next time…

Lessons From A Kiwi

“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love.” -Thich Nhat Hanh 

Look at this beautiful kiwi fruit.  Suppose you've never eaten a kiwi and you asked me to describe it to you. I could explain how it's small, oval shaped, and fits in the palm of my hand, or how its skin is slightly fuzzy, yet slightly rough.  I could describe the bright green flesh that is speckled with tiny black seeds and how it has an almost creamy texture.  Or how it tastes slightly like strawberries, banana and melons combined.  I could slice one open and show you its beautiful green starburst insides, but until you actually hold one in your hand, or taste its juicy sweetness, or see its vivid color, you can never truly know what it's like to experience a kiwi.  You can never really know the truth of eating a kiwi, right?

In order to understand the ultimate truth of any situation, you have to stop being an observer and become a participant.  In order for true understanding to be possible, you have to remove the barrier between observer and the object being observed.  You can read about, or listen to or watch something be explained, but in order to fully understand the truth about the object of your attention, you must experience it.  Explanations are just notions and concepts, and notions and concepts can never be the reality. Experience is how we cultivate insight - deep intuitive understanding.

Until I had experienced true mindfulness at Thay's retreat, I only had notions and concepts about it.  I studied a lot about it, I understood it on an intellectual level, but it wasn't until I experienced it first hand for an extended period of time that the truth of it awakened in me.

Our teachers (yoga and meditation, or otherwise) can describe for us the experience of a posture, breathing techniques, or what meditation is or is not, but ultimately it is up to each practitioner to take the notions and concepts that they are provided with and find their own experience and insight. 

When we begin class with the bell of mindfulness, it's an invitation for us to turn our full attention to the practice of finding the truth of each moment.  The bell is a powerful reminder to let go of notions and concepts and absorb the experience of the truth of being, without adding anything extra.  We practice "tasting" each posture and noticing the texture of our thoughts, the richness of our breath and the weight of our awareness.

Until next time…

The Light of Understanding

"Understanding means throwing away your knowledge.” Experience is your best teacher." 

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Life since the retreat has been really interesting.  In many ways I feel as if I've been re-born, if that makes sense. I've been re-learning how to walk, speak, eat, and move through the world in this new, mindful way.  In an email to my dharma teacher last week, I said that I feel as if a huge light switch has been turned on in me and I really don't want the lights to go out again. Practice, practice, practice.

Over the past week or so, when things have gotten busy, I've found myself sort of wishing that living in the world wasn't as challenging as it often seems to be.  But then I remember to come back to the simplicity of practicing mindfulness and I realize that it's not the world that is making things difficult, it's me.  

It's amazing how deeply ingrained our habits become, how easy it is to distract ourselves when something challenging arises, or to blame the world (or other people) for our suffering or difficulties when all along we have the ability to cultivate deeper understanding in ourselves and live our lives with more freedom and peace.  I've read this quote attributed to the Buddha a million times but after actually experiencing this on a deep level at the retreat, I realize just how true it is: "Peace comes from within, do not seek it without".  We have the capacity at all times to drop all of our perceptions and illusions and really just experience the peace available to us.  But the trick is, we have to get out of our own way first.

Thay says: “When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with the world or our friends or family, we blame the world or the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.” 

In this practice we're often encouraged to come back to "beginner's mind".  We cultivate love and understanding by throwing away our knowledge of how things should be, and actually experiencing things as they are. And so I watch the habits of distraction arise.  I watch the urge to blame, project, persuade, and how they try to assert themselves into my newly illuminated world.  I come back to how much more liberating it feels to actually experience the moment in all of its beauty, challenge and complexity, knowing that the only way out of my suffering is to compassionately wade through it.  So I simply practice learning how to walk again - solidly, like a free person, without these ghosts chasing after me.  I simply practice learning how to sit with ease of mind and spirit.  I re-learn over and over again how to breathe, smile, and eat with mindfulness.  In this way, the lights will stay on and never get switched back off again.

Until next time...let the sunshine in :)