The Garden of The New Year

I spent the last hour of 2010 in silent meditation. The year had been a tough one. John and I had each suffered from serious illnesses that took time and patience to recover from. It had also been a very emotional year for me - a time of looking deeply inward to investigate and come face-to-face with some things that needed to shift and change. So, it was fitting for me last New Year's Eve to end the year in the sweetness of solitude and introspection. In the quiet, waning hours of 2010, I sat in silent meditation and found clarity. In the stillness, I set my intention(s) for 2011. They were simply to love more and to let go.

It's funny, looking back through the days and months of 2011 to see how, as a result of setting these intentions, the universe provided everything I needed and more to manifest them. This doesn't mean that the going was easy. There were times that were downright painful, but each experience brought me a little closer to realizing my vision for the new year.

The "loving more" part of my intention was nurtured easily through connecting more with others, cultivating community, and finding clarity in my practice through time spent with an amazing teacher.  Loving more also had its painful moments when presented with challenging situations that called for cultivating a great deal of compassion - both for myself and for others.

The "letting go" part of my intention arrived slowly, with a lot of introspection, and not at all as I had envisioned, but somehow more beautifully than I could have imagined.  Funny how that happens, isn't it?

The new year is a natural time to think of starting fresh.  I like to think of it as if we've been given a fertile patch of freshly sown earth that's free of weeds, stones, and all the blockages that keep us from living our deepest purpose.  It's there just waiting to provide us with abundance and fullness.  As we unfold into the new year, we cultivate that patch of earth by planting and watering the seeds of our intentions with our awareness, our actions, compassion and mindfulness.  The more we water and nurture our garden, the more we can reap the rewards of its bounty.

Wishing you a fertile and bountiful new year.  

Until next time...

To Students and Friends

Paramhansa Yogananda, Inner Culture, January 1937

The New Year has come to greet you with new hopes, new determination, new will-to-achieve, new activities. In the Temple of the New Year renew your reverence for the unlimited hidden power of God within you. The trails of trials and the yawning chasms of woe have been left behind in the dark night of the past–now you are entering the daylight of a new-born hope of the New Year. Cast off the coil of the decayed thoughts of the past years; be reincarnated into vital living of the New Year.

Every regret for shattered hopes of success must be transformed into the joy of new achievements during the New Year. Old sorrows and disappointments must be buried beneath the sepulcher of the past year. Those dark bandits of discouragement must not remain any longer to steal the wealth of your desire to succeed.

Every day in the New Year must become an altar for the God of new living, new achievements in wisdom, and new joy. Every day in the New Year must bring hope and cheer to yourself and all humanity.

Take all the salvaged treasures of good experiences from the sea of past experience and use them to buy new accomplishments in the New Year. In the garden of the New Year culture the seeds of well-planned new activities until they grow into fragrant flowering plants of diverse successes. Let every day in the New Year become a step upward on the ladder of your Self-Realization. Make every day of the New Year a better day than the previous one for greater effort to succeed in business, family happiness, and increasing the ever-new joy-contact of God in meditation. The old year has gone, but the New Year is full of treasures for you to use.

Bury the bad habit of failure in the tomb of the old year and reincarnate your life energy in the vitality of the New Year. May the New Year spread the example and message of your renewed life and renewed power unto all Creation.

Mother Mindfulness

“The child is in me still and sometimes not so still.”  

-Fred Rogers

I recently spent some time with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Claire and her gorgeous baby daughter, Vivienne.  One thing that strikes me as utterly beautiful and amazing is how loving and patient Claire is with her children. I've known her for a long time and it warms my heart to see her blossoming into such an extraordinary mother.

Having grown up with loving yet somewhat impatient parents, I am inspired by Claire's ability to deliver comfort with patience and ease.  Her love and nurturing is beautiful to witness. Though I'm sure at times Claire is not feeling so patient, she rarely lets it show and instead simply allows Vivienne to have her tantrum by holding her calmly, soothingly, and not putting her down until the strong emotion or sensation has dissolved.

Regardless of how much love we received or did not receive as children, regardless of how much older, wiser or more mature we've become, we all have an "inner child" existing somewhere beneath the surface.  Most of the time when a strong emotion passes over us as adults, its roots reach far back to an experience or experiences that we had as children. These seeds that were planted long ago can affect the feeling of not belonging, of not being listened to or heard, a feeling of being afraid, inferior, angry, vulnerable or alone.  These seeds grow into big emotions when, as adults, we are faced with the very same experiences that planted those seeds in the first place (a spouse who isn't hearing your needs, an impatient co-worker who says something to make you feel inferior, etc).  Sensing this, our inner child starts to have a tantrum and often times there is no one there to soothe those strong feelings.

Enter the practice of mindfulness.  Thich Nhat Hanh says that mindfulness can act as a nurturing mother in times of powerful feelings.  He says that we can soothe the strong emotions we encounter by cradling them with mindfulness.  We can go home to ourselves and comfort the little child inside, listen to our child, and respond directly to him/her.

As a part of my practice, whenever I feel a strong reaction to something, I immediately bring my attention to it (instead of pushing it away or suppressing it) and I allow my attention to hold it, like Claire holds a fussy Vivienne.  I acknowledge the presence of anger, sadness, anxiety, remorse, judgement, etc. and let it know that I am there for it, holding it and not abandoning it until it feels soothed and attended to.  Once I do this, the intensity of the emotion begins to subside and I can act from a place of compassion and clarity instead of anger or defensiveness.  It's a very simple but powerful practice!

Practice this today and every day and watch your reactions, your suffering and your misperceptions be transformed.  Do this for yourself, your loved ones and the world.

Until next time...

“The most sophisticated people I know - inside they are all children. ” 

― Jim Henson

Taking Care of Anger

(from the Plum Village website: www.plumvillage.org)

"Thay often compares our anger to a small child, crying out to his mother. When the child cries the mother takes him gently in her arms and listens and observes carefully to find out what is wrong. The loving action of holding her child with her tenderness, already soothes the baby’s suffering. Likewise, we can take our anger in our loving arms and right away we will feel a relief. We don’t need to reject our anger. It is a part of us that needs our love and deep listening just as a baby does.

After the baby has calmed down, the mother can feel if the baby has a fever or needs a change of diaper. When we feel calm and cool, we too can look deeply at our anger and see clearly the conditions allowing our anger to rise.

When we feel angry it is best to refrain from saying or doing anything. We may like to withdraw our attention from the person or situation, which is watering the seed of anger in us. We should take this time to come back to ourselves. We can practice conscious breathing and outdoor walking meditation to calm and refresh our mind and body. After we feel calmer and more relaxed we can begin to look deeply at ourselves and at the person and situation causing anger to arise in us. Often, when we have a difficulty with a particular person, he or she may have a characteristic that reflects a weakness of our own which is difficult to accept. As we grow to love and accept ourselves this will naturally spread to those around us."

Lessons From A Kiwi

“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love.” -Thich Nhat Hanh 

Look at this beautiful kiwi fruit.  Suppose you've never eaten a kiwi and you asked me to describe it to you. I could explain how it's small, oval shaped, and fits in the palm of my hand, or how its skin is slightly fuzzy, yet slightly rough.  I could describe the bright green flesh that is speckled with tiny black seeds and how it has an almost creamy texture.  Or how it tastes slightly like strawberries, banana and melons combined.  I could slice one open and show you its beautiful green starburst insides, but until you actually hold one in your hand, or taste its juicy sweetness, or see its vivid color, you can never truly know what it's like to experience a kiwi.  You can never really know the truth of eating a kiwi, right?

In order to understand the ultimate truth of any situation, you have to stop being an observer and become a participant.  In order for true understanding to be possible, you have to remove the barrier between observer and the object being observed.  You can read about, or listen to or watch something be explained, but in order to fully understand the truth about the object of your attention, you must experience it.  Explanations are just notions and concepts, and notions and concepts can never be the reality. Experience is how we cultivate insight - deep intuitive understanding.

Until I had experienced true mindfulness at Thay's retreat, I only had notions and concepts about it.  I studied a lot about it, I understood it on an intellectual level, but it wasn't until I experienced it first hand for an extended period of time that the truth of it awakened in me.

Our teachers (yoga and meditation, or otherwise) can describe for us the experience of a posture, breathing techniques, or what meditation is or is not, but ultimately it is up to each practitioner to take the notions and concepts that they are provided with and find their own experience and insight. 

When we begin class with the bell of mindfulness, it's an invitation for us to turn our full attention to the practice of finding the truth of each moment.  The bell is a powerful reminder to let go of notions and concepts and absorb the experience of the truth of being, without adding anything extra.  We practice "tasting" each posture and noticing the texture of our thoughts, the richness of our breath and the weight of our awareness.

Until next time…

The Light of Understanding

"Understanding means throwing away your knowledge.” Experience is your best teacher." 

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Life since the retreat has been really interesting.  In many ways I feel as if I've been re-born, if that makes sense. I've been re-learning how to walk, speak, eat, and move through the world in this new, mindful way.  In an email to my dharma teacher last week, I said that I feel as if a huge light switch has been turned on in me and I really don't want the lights to go out again. Practice, practice, practice.

Over the past week or so, when things have gotten busy, I've found myself sort of wishing that living in the world wasn't as challenging as it often seems to be.  But then I remember to come back to the simplicity of practicing mindfulness and I realize that it's not the world that is making things difficult, it's me.  

It's amazing how deeply ingrained our habits become, how easy it is to distract ourselves when something challenging arises, or to blame the world (or other people) for our suffering or difficulties when all along we have the ability to cultivate deeper understanding in ourselves and live our lives with more freedom and peace.  I've read this quote attributed to the Buddha a million times but after actually experiencing this on a deep level at the retreat, I realize just how true it is: "Peace comes from within, do not seek it without".  We have the capacity at all times to drop all of our perceptions and illusions and really just experience the peace available to us.  But the trick is, we have to get out of our own way first.

Thay says: “When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with the world or our friends or family, we blame the world or the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.” 

In this practice we're often encouraged to come back to "beginner's mind".  We cultivate love and understanding by throwing away our knowledge of how things should be, and actually experiencing things as they are. And so I watch the habits of distraction arise.  I watch the urge to blame, project, persuade, and how they try to assert themselves into my newly illuminated world.  I come back to how much more liberating it feels to actually experience the moment in all of its beauty, challenge and complexity, knowing that the only way out of my suffering is to compassionately wade through it.  So I simply practice learning how to walk again - solidly, like a free person, without these ghosts chasing after me.  I simply practice learning how to sit with ease of mind and spirit.  I re-learn over and over again how to breathe, smile, and eat with mindfulness.  In this way, the lights will stay on and never get switched back off again.

Until next time...let the sunshine in :)

 

  

Exactly.

I read this recently and it says it all.  Just thought I'd share :)

By ELISHA GOLDSTEIN, PH.D.

We spend a lot of our attention day in and day out, knowingly and unknowingly trying to be somewhere else than where we are. You may have had this thought before, but still the same process continues. It’s as if our mind is in the business of constantly trying to evade life as it is.

On the subtle end it’s when we’re in the shower and planning what needs to get done at work, on the more blatant end it’s when we have a fear of heights and we stay away from getting on anything that’s taller than us. What would life be like in the days, weeks and months ahead if you truly believed the following thought?

No matter where I am, especially if I am facing a fear or pain, I am exactly where I need to be.

The truth is we cannot gain freedom in this life or even in this moment if we cannot learn the skills of being with life as it is.

The moment we recognize that we can “be with” what’s here and the moment we especially realize that with fear is the beginning of a fundamental awakening. It’s when we see that we have much more freedom in this world than we ever knew.

It’s also the moment when we start being on the lookout for fear, but in an entirely different way. We’re not anxiously afraid of fear where we walk around like a blanket of gasoline ready to erupt with any spark. We’re actually looking for the fear so we can continue to show ourselves that everything is going to be okay.

What would the days, weeks and months be like in your life if you had a credible voice inside that was saying “everything is going to be okay?”

That is the voice we begin to cultivate as we practice mindfulness of fear in our lives.

It doesn’t happen overnight for most of us, it isn’t an enlightenment that changes the face of our lives forever as has seemed to happen to very few people. It is a gradual shifting that continues to be practiced, nourished and grown over time.

The truth is you are exactly where you need to be, even in the face of fear and pain. Be gentle with yourself and what it’s like to hold this with a heart of compassion. You can say to yourself, “Breathing in I recognize this fear or pain, breathing out, holding it with a heart of compassion.” At the same time, know your limits. It be a source of wisdom to turn away from pain at times in the face of deep trauma and it can be skillful to get the support of a professional.

Take this with you today.

Roots

I was born and raised in New Jersey - the "Garden State" (cue the wisecracks). Yes, I know. I've heard all of the jokes.  And for the record, I can honestly say that I've never once heard a New Jersey native say the words: "New Joi-sey" (we leave that to the New Yorkers).  

I lived in a rural town in northwestern New Jersey (on the border of both New York and Pennsylvania).  No, my neighbors weren't The Sopranos, just hard working folks and good people, many of whom were trying to get away from the more crowed suburbs of New York City to have a better life for their families.  The New Jersey of my youth provided fresh air, dairy farms, country roads and wide open spaces. It was the best of both worlds: the farms and fields of a small town but also the exciting world of New York City which was only about an hour away (without traffic of course).

I lived in New Jersey for the first twenty three years of my life before feeling a strong desire to spread my wings and go farther afield to explore new territories.  At the time, I felt like I was root-bound (like a potted house plant that has outgrown its container), and so I packed up and moved to New York (a different world and another chapter altogether).

Although I haven't lived in New Jersey for over 19 years and will most likely never live there again (too crowded and cold!), my roots there played a significant role in shaping who I am today.  I am grateful for growing into a human being on that particular patch of earth. New Jersey is my "home".  It's where I began. 

Where are you from?  What is your origin?  How did you begin?

Roots are interesting things.  Our roots inform the strength and depth of the foundation for our ever growing human experience.  We are all connected to the world around us.  Our roots sustain us and give us stability and nourishment. The dictionary/thesaurus on my computer lists the following words to describe roots: "source, origin, germ, beginning(s), genesis; cause, reason, basis, foundation, bottom, seat; core, heart, nub, essence".  Our roots are where the earth ends and we begin. 

Yoga takes roots seriously. Yoga seeks to help us find our way "home" to the strongest root of all: Our true self.  The part of us that is unending and infinite.

How?  Well, yogic philosophy asserts that there are energy centers located in the midline of the body called "chakras" that when balanced, contribute to our wellbeing. The first of these is called muladhara or the "root/base" chakra which is located at the base of the spine.  The root chakra is all about foundation.  It energetically deals with our being firmly grounded, stable and secure.  It helps us to feel at home in the world.  Its function is to help us feel present in the here and now and connected to our physical body. Muladhara represents the earth.  The ancient yogis believed that our origin, our identity and our heritage are all seeds that are planted into this chakra at the time of our conception.  They believed that to have a solid and stable life, we have to start out with a solid base.  

This makes sense, right? I liken it to building a house.  When building a house, we don't start with the roof and work our way down to the foundation.  No, we start by digging deep into the earth to lay a strong foundation and then build up from that solidity. Muladhara is the basement in our physical and energetic home.

In much the same way, as we practice yoga, we aspire to physically build each pose from the ground up.  We aim to connect deeply with our base, find solidity there and then work our way up through the body with steadiness and strength.  In our mental and emotional practice we endeavor to send our roots down into the rich soil of the moment, staying steady with each experience as it unfolds.  This foundation creates space for us to experience the flowering of our much larger and more glorious spiritual self. 

Sadly, as a result of living on auto-pilot much of the time, we become out of touch with our physical support (the body) and the firm foundation of mindfulness.

And so we start at the source, the lowest point and dig down from there. 

Mindfulness is the strongest root.  We sit quietly with eyes closed and feel where we are connected to the earth or our yoga mat.  Drawing our awareness to the support beneath us, we root ourselves into it.  Drawing our attention to the base of the spine where muladhara chakra resides, we imagine growing a root from the tailbone into the ground and from the source of our support we surrender to the experience of the moment: What does the body feel like?  Where do we feel the breath?  Where is the mind wandering off to?

And then using the breath we begin to return again and again to the essence of this moment.  Breathing in through the nose.  Pause.  Breathing out through the nose.  Pause.  Finding our way into our roots through breathing into the moment.  

I am thankful for my New Jersey roots and for the strong underpinning that being born there offered me.  My deep roots allowed me to blossom in the world and grow beyond the ground of my origin.

Think of your beginnings.  Be aware that your roots were nourished in the rich, healthy soil that was needed for you to become what you are today.

Until next time...

To practice mula bandha:

Mula Bandha helps build core body strength, enables you to hold the postures longer, protects the low back muscles and makes the postures more stable. Mula Bandha also increases your energy and improves concentration and mental clarity. Using mula bandha to support the asana from your core allows the distal muscles to relax, enabling the body to use less energy to hold the posture.

As you practice standing postures, imagine that from the waist down, you are rooted into the earth and from the waist up you are growing up towards the sky.

Each standing posture starts with your feet energetically rooting down into the rich soil of support. Draw this stability up through the legs and into the body by activating the energy of the muladhara chakra. The power of muladhara comes from lifting the pelvic floor to stabilize our foundation and to "lock" energy in the body.  This is called Mula Bandha (pelvic floor lock). The bandhas are energy locks by which we can direct the flow of prana (life-force energy that animates and unites us all).

So, standing in Tadasana (Mountain Pose) inhale and with the length of your breath circle your arms up over your head, and soften your belly.  As you exhale, follow the length of the breath, circle your arms back to your sides drawing your navel towards your spine and hugging the anus and genitals towards one another (mula bandha).

Repeat 5-10 times (or more) getting used to the feeling of toning the pelvic floor.

Begin to incorporate mindfulness and mula bandha into all of your standing poses and watch your practice GROW! 

ROOTS 

by Ashley Lamore

Our roots 

The place we are born and raised 

The people we grew up with 

In life we eventually 

Put down roots somewhere else 

But no matter what 

Even though we have roots 

Here and There 

We will always venture back 

To our main roots 

The place and people that 

Grounded us and gave us life 

In the first place.

"There is deep wisdom within our very flesh, if we can only come to our senses and feel it."  ~Elizabeth A. Behnke

"Surely a man needs a closed place wherein he may strike root and, like the seed, become.  But also he needs the great Milky Way above him and the vast sea spaces, though neither stars nor ocean serve his daily needs." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Jump Into The Ocean!

"To go beyond ordinary thought is to truly understand.  If you just stay with your usual understanding of things, you will be like a frog that only swims in his small pond.  Staying just within your little territory, you will never know anything about the larger world in which you live.  You have to jump into the ocean.  Then you can understand your small world for what it is." 

From You Have To Say Something: Manifesting Zen Insight by Dainin Katagiri

Have you ever met someone who is mindful all the time?  If you have, I'd LOVE to meet them!  The truth is that most people, even those with the best intentions, struggle to remain mindful at all times.  Mindlessness is part of the human experience that keeps us trapped in a very narrow worldview (like our friend the frog!).  We may catch little glimmers of mindfulness here and there. We may experience moments of complete awareness and clarity - oceans of wide open space! And then... we forget.  In a split second we get distracted, we get drawn into to the busyness and commotion of life and then once again we find ourselves sleepily swimming around and around in our own tiny little pond.  We fall back into a very small and shallow pool of experience.  We get stuck with no hope of growth or expansion.

From the foundation of the present moment we can go beyond the chaos of the our ordinary thoughts.  Mindfulness is a process and pattern.  It's a lifelong practice to continually bring ourselves back to this present moment.  Back to this breath. Back to this vast ocean of awareness.

As human beings prone to distraction, we need to wake up to life and our true nature again and again - and as many times as it takes.  The more we practice being awake the easier it gets.  The easier it gets, the more glimmers we get.  The more glimmers we get, the larger our pool becomes and then one day... SPLASH!  We take the leap and find ourselves in the wide open sea of our life unfolding.

Until next time...

What can you do right now to wake up?  Try this meditation:

Mindfulness Meditation 

Sit. Relax the body. Relax the mind. Be as still as possible. Sit comfortably, with the spine upright and supported and the head balanced naturally, looking forward with eyes closed gently. It's ok to sit on a chair, or on the floor, on the knees or cross legged with support, such as a pillow. The body must become still and remain still for a period of time for the mind to start to calm down and deeper states of awareness to be experienced. With practice, prolonged stillness can be achieved without discomfort. Any mindfulness meditation technique will require some discipline and perseverance to get the results.  

Then begin to watch the movement of thought. Do not attempt to control your thoughts. The more we try to control thoughts, the stronger they become. Observe the breath with passive awareness. Observe the thoughts, feelings and sensations with compassion and tolerance. Don’t engage your thoughts by judging or analyzing them. Let them arise and dissolve, like clouds drifting across a blue sky, noting what comes with passive curiosity, and return to the breath.

Let the breath be natural and gentle. Breathe through the nose, letting the belly rise as you inhale and fall as you exhale. Soften the belly. Let the chest rise last, filling up from the belly first, like a vessel filling with water.

The importance of attention to breath cannot be over-emphasized. It is the central key to any mindfulness meditation technique. So much suffering could be alleviated simply by placing mindful attention on the breath, focusing on the belly, or the area of the heart. Within the breath is the key to your greater Self. Emotion can reside in the body as chronic tension. The breath can undo this tension, and restore balance and peace to the mind. We forget the breath most of the time. Experiment throughout your day. See if you can count the number of times you remember to watch your breath. You may be surprised to realize how difficult it is to remember.

When we feel pain -- physically or emotionally -- we tend to react by tensing up. This tension causes the pain to be sustained longer. Sustained pain is what we call "suffering." 

The practice of non-resistance is another core principle of mindfulness meditation. Letting go with each breath. Sometimes I see beginning meditators making effort to relax and let go. They breathe out with great force, through pursed lips, as if getting ready to lift a heavy weight. This is not true letting go. True letting go is effortless.

Why is it so difficult to remember the breath?

Because staying connected to the breath loosens the grip of the ego. The ego is the constellation of thoughts, emotions, and self-images that we cling to at all costs, in an effort to sustain our personal identity and importance. The breath leads us into an expanded state of Self-awareness that can feel like the death of what was known as "self." So we resist because of our attachment -- our fear of letting go -- fear of the unknown. It is a fear of becoming nothing. This fear is usually quite unconscious, yet it affects everything we do and feel, keeping us imprisoned by the invisible chains of the mind. 

(Meditation courtesy of http://www.alternativedepressiontherapy.com)

"To Tea or Not To Tea": The Meditation of Medicine

As I sit here typing, a mug of steaming Ayurvedic herb tea sits to the left of the keyboard.  Prescribed to me by my Ayurvedic doctor, these herbs are meant to boost my immune system and reduce the amount of inflammation my body seems to be producing.  They are to be taken as a sort of "tea" mixed with hot water three times a day.  Doesn't seem too egregious, right?  So why am I so resistant to drinking the tea? The obvious issue is that the herbs taste bad.  Well, not so much bad, as bitter, as if I were sipping bile.  I've actually gotten used to the taste so I can't claim this as the cause of my resistance.  The tea works.  It makes me feel better, keeps the chronic hives and swelling that I've been experiencing since late summer at bay, and is even helping with a skin condition I've had since birth.  So why does the tea sit cooling next to my keyboard, untouched as yet?  The answer is probably too complex to be articulated or perhaps too simple to define.  The point, I suppose, is that I am acutely aware of this resistance/aversion.  The goal is not to know the answer but to "live the question", as the poet Rainer Maria Rilke says.

And so I climb on to my yoga mat and close my eyes.  I take a deep breath and then another and another, absorbing it like a sponge, and begin to move in connection with its rhythm.  Each breath, each posture and stretch draw me into a deeper, quieter place from which to look out upon the world from. I lose myself in the sound and feel and sensation of my breathing. I allow my ego self to get washed clean by its tides and when I am done the questions, the need for answers, the attachments and aversions have started to dissolve and I find myself quite still.  I allow myself to sit in the stillness following my practice and  as I settle myself onto my zafu (meditation cushion) I allow myself to become unselfconsciously present - like the air.

Meditation shines a bright light on our questions, likes and dislikes.   The practice of yoga holds a mirror up to them and invites us to open our eyes to look upon ourselves with clarity.  As we practice sitting with and moving with these self-observations, we begin to gradually increase our sense of self-understanding.  We become intimately acquainted with our strong likes and dislikes.  Then, slowly (or sometimes with a resounding BOOM!) we become aware of the origins of those tendencies.  With time, practice and patience, we are able to halt the behaviors that turn the volume up on such obstacles, and we free ourselves - opening ourselves to new ways of seeing and being in the world.  We start to align ourselves with something deeper and more profound.  We are able to look both inward and outward with greater care and clarity.

When I finally find myself rising out of the depths of this meditation, I slowly open my eyes and sit  silently for a moment before mindfully making my way over to where the now cold tea sits.  I take the earthenware cup in my hands and slowly drink down every bitter drop.

"...Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.  Do not now seek the answers. which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. "
-Rainer Maria Rilke
From: Letters to a Young Poet

365 Journal Project: The Beginning

So, this past New Year's Eve, in the quiet closing hours of 2010, I sat in silence and for a long while reflected back on the year that had past.  It was a challenging year on many fronts to be sure; at times scary, tiring, and soul searching.  But it was also a year of love, light, prosperity, amazing personal growth, change and clarity (talk about Yin and Yang!).

2010 started out with uncertainty.  Someone I love more than anything suffered from complete mental exhaustion and mental breakdown.  I don't know if you've ever experienced such a thing, but all I can say is that other than the loss of my parents, it was perhaps one of the saddest, scariest and most challenging things I have ever come up against.  The months that followed consisted of a slow process of healing, rebuilding and awakening to a new way of life (an ongoing process we are told).  Much has changed as a result-in the best of ways-and out of the darkness of those first few months came incredible, transformation and light (in yoga we call this "tapas", the burning away of impurities, baby!)  I am truly thankful for it.  

Just as things were beginning to settle down, I had a major health crisis that took the wind out of my sails physically, mentally and spiritually.  With the help of John (my wonderful husband), my friends and an amazing Ayurvedic practitioner (Vishnu rocks!), my condition stabilized.  Thanks to my yoga practice I am strengthening my body and getting my stamina back.  It's been a slow, humbling process, but I'm feeling better and stronger every day.  Because of my meditation practice I have refreshed my mind and renewed my spirit.  Taking the time to sit and meditate each day will change your life!

What really astounded me was watching how the support of my meditation and yoga practices continued on without pause.  Even during the most difficult moments, even during the times when it felt as though I were getting kicked while I was down, the inner stillness was felt with profound clarity.  Daily practice kept me afloat and present with what was happening. Yoga and meditation saves me everyday and enriches my life in more ways than I can possibly articulate.  This isn't to say that I didn't have my moments of despair or self-pity, I'm human!  But daily practice allowed me to see and observe that those not-so-nice thoughts were impermanent.

When I started to get back on my feet towards the end of autumn, a little light started to flicker in me and grow brighter and brighter. In my life "B.Y." (Before Yoga) I worked as an artist and jewelry designer.  From the time I was small I was always creating something: paper dolls with my mother, castles made of cardboard, "cars" for our cats made out of discarded boxes, you name it.  When I got older the medium of collage resonated with me and it took off from there.

The 365 Journal Project is a project born out of my meditations.  I set an intention in my journal on New Year's Eve to work on some sort of artwork everyday.  This is what emerged:

 The next day I found myself pulling out my paper bits, glue, etc and turning the page in the journal for the next entry, and here I am 16 days later and still going!  It is my intention to document a full 365 days of visual mediations.  I don't start out with an idea or theme.  I simply let the images choose me.  I weave them together and when I'm through, the images reveal to me a deeper meaning, a doorway into my inner world, a mirror.

It is my hope to share with you what manifests.

In the meantime, I encourage you to get on your yoga mat and stretch, move, and breathe!  Sit in silence for 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes a day.  Ask questions of your spirit but don't wait for an answer.  Just listen with your heart.

Namaste :)

Love,
k

We Have Not Come To Take Prisoners

"For we have not come to take prisoners or to confine our wondrous spirits, but to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage, freedom, and light!"

 (Hafiz-The Great Sufi Master)

I am often baffled by our ability as modern humans to live our lives as if there were a great war being waged against us.  So many of us often seem defensive and out to protect what's ours (our beliefs, ideas, possessions, our politics).  Perhaps most perplexing of all, we often treat ourselves or our bodies as if they were the enemy-something to be punished.  We punish ourselves for the weekend's overindulgence, for not being tall enough, thin enough, for our past mistakes or current insecurities, or _______(fill in the blank).   We may become obsessive over our style/method of yoga, have "killer" workouts or "punishing classes" all in an attempt to desperately sweat away our problems or our demons.  We may walk away from such grueling pursuits or obsessions with a sense of "high and mightiness"; stunning arm balances, kick ass abs, or buns of steel.  But are we happy?  Are we at peace?

 I have spent more years than I care to recall at war with myself via my body.  In reality I was punishing my body for the lack of clarity in my mind.  In hindsight, I believed that  if I could trick my mind into focusing on something completely innocent, it would forget what the REAL issue was and perhaps that issue would magically go away if I ignored it long enough.  The result was usually an unhealthy and unsustainable way of life and a mind that was weary from trying to outrun itself.

Enter: the practice of yoga!  As our yoga and meditation practice matures and deepens it leads us away from the combative and competitive notions that mislead us.  It opens us to approach not only our practice, ourselves, and the world, but life in general from a place of peace, compassion, and acceptance.  Breath by breath we begin to sort through the muck and mire of the psyche and the reasons for our inner combat become clearer and clearer.  We begin to see WHY we're punishing ourselves with "killer" classes that leave us wobbly, running or walking obsessively, eating too many Cheetos, drinking too much wine, smoking too many cigarettes, _____(fill in the blank).  Once the "why" becomes clear, the unraveling can begin and a truce can be called.  The inner skirmish is resolved and peace presides (at least until the next battle cry is heard).

It is not our purpose to punish, beat-up or belittle ourselves or others, but rather to experience our time with courage, light and freedom.

Try this:
The next time you come to your mat, take a few moments before you begin to investigate what you've brought with you to your practice.  Take a seat or lie on your back, settle into the rhythm of your breath and the sensations in your body.  Sit with what is present without labeling it as "good" or "bad".  Get quietly centered on the breath.  Listen.  Then set an intention to practice-to move and breathe with mindful awareness of what your body, your heart, and your soul needs.  Practice from a place of clarity, stability, and mindfulness, rather than with the intent to fuel the ego or slavishly burn calories to punish yourself over the fact that you ate an extra donut in the break room this morning.

We Have Not Come To Take Prisoners

by Hafiz

We have not come here to take prisoners,

But to surrender ever more deeply

To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world

To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run my dear,

From anything

That may not strengthen your wings.

Run like hell my dear,

From anyone likely

To put a sharp knife

Into the sacred, tender vision

Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend

Those aspects of obedience

That stand outside of our house

And shout to our reason

"O please, O please,

Come out and play."

For we have not come here to take prisoners

Or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply

Our divine courage, freedom, and 

Light!

Zen and the art of "American Chopper"

As a student and teacher of yoga, and long time practitioner of mindfulness meditation I tend to feel as if I am pretty chill about most things. I eat a simple but healthy diet, my husband, John and I got rid of our microwave oven in 2007, and our cable TV last March (we don’t miss either one), I don’t watch the news or read the daily newspaper (if something major happens, I’ll hear about it). Life is distilled down to its essence and I like it that way.

So you can imagine how astonished I was to find myself freaking out recently at the fact that I had become "addicted" to “American Chopper” (that crazy show on TLC that focuses on the Teutul family and their dysfunctional relationships while building bad-ass choppers and building a chopper empire). Despite getting rid of cable TV, John and I still have Netflix streaming through our digital cable and straight into the tube (500 movies and/or TV shows available at the blink of an eye-yikes!). This I am sorry to say, is worse than having cable in many ways.

Anyway, back to that addiction. While eating breakfast and lunch, I would cycle through the Netflix offerings, and watch a movie over the course of several meals, or watch one TV episode per meal until all of the episodes were complete-you get the picture.

One day several months ago, I stumbled upon “American Chopper” Season One and thought to myself; “this might be interesting.” Five seasons and two months later I finished the last episode that NetFlix offered...the END! What? No more family drama? No more pimped out choppers? The day I discovered I had gotten to the end, I felt as if I couldn't eat without the Teutuls and their choppers. I ended up watching one of the first episodes again just to finish my meal. It was then that I came to the realization that I was addicted (or attached as we say in yoga and meditation) to the idea of eating and watching TV . I had somehow fallen away from my mindfulness training and put it aside in favor of mindlessly shoving food down my throat while numbing my brain with chopper nonsense. Isn't it amazing how silently and slowly we sink into the abyss of mindlessness? Mindlessness is how we're conditioned to live these days. We're bombarded daily by a world that tells us that it's good to multi-task, to "plug-in" to "check out" with TV, prescription drugs (can't sleep? Take an Ambien!, Feel sad? Take a Prozac!), our ever-present cell phones (eat, talk and drive at the same time!), computers, text messages, financial worries. Mindfulness brings us back to the reality that this moment is all we ever have. It brings us back to our true nature which is stillness and simplicity. I let "American Chopper" take me away from my stillness (operative words "I let").

So a week ago, I decided to find my Zen again and started to eat my meals in silence. Breakfast that first day was wonderful. I chewed, tasted, and listened to the sounds of birds out in the backyard. I felt the food, smelled the food, tasted the food with mindfulness and was more satisfied in eating it than I can remember. I stopped eating when I was full (not like the usual-stop eating when the show ends). It was a lovely breakfast.

Then lunchtime came around. I prepared my meal and sat in my usual spot. I started chewing and instantly had an overwhelming urge to turn the TV on. Whew. What did I do? I ate, I watched that urge grow, and then I watched it dissolve when I didn't act on it. When the next urge popped up to open a magazine, I ate, I watched that urge grow, and then I watched it dissolve. And so it continued until the end of the meal. After several meals of just eating and watching, the urges to distract myself from the moment became less and less. The feeling of satisfaction of staying in the moment became more and more apparent.

This is the heart of mindfulness practice, I believe: to be present, here in this moment, to watch what comes up and to act accordingly (not react). I'm not saying that one should never eat while watching TV or that "American Chopper" or TV for that matter is evil (the Teutul's, Vinnie, Rick and the gang are BAD-ASS!). I'm saying that whatever you are doing, be doing it. If you're eating, just be eating. If you're talking on the cell phone, be talking on the cell phone (not driving, talking and trying to listen to the GPS all at once-CRASH!). If you're indulging in a little "American Chopper" therapy, just be watching "American Chopper" (not watching the show, painting your nails and flipping through the newest copy of "The Rolling Stone"). Be available to the moment in all of it's complexities or simplicity. Be available to the stillness within, don't run from it or cover it over with mindless "fluff".

I've been eating my meals mindfully for seven straight days and am happy to say that mindfulness has become my new habit. Life is good. I wish you all the miracle of mindfulness. Namaste...