Living in The Open

Early this morning I was sitting in meditation, immersed in stillness, tuned in and empty of the usual push/pull of whirling thoughts. I was feeling peaceful and content.  Then, bubbling up from some deep, dark internal spring was a sudden realization that hit me like a punch in the stomach. Was it a profound moment of clarity? Perhaps another step in the direction of awakening or enlightenment?  Whatever the case may be, it reared its head and boy did it ache!  An aspect of my personality that I struggle with had shown its unsavory face.  I watched it enter.  I sat with the discomfort of it.  I listened to it.  The understanding of it caused a lump of grief in my throat. Holding steady, I held it with my attention until is started to dissolve.

When I crawled back into bed I told my husband John about it.  Being someone who knows me well, he was already aware of what I had been turning a blind eye to and we talked about ways to work with it (gotta love a good perspective from your best friend!).

The thing is that even though we have the best intentions of living in the open, parts of us are concealed.  Through the practice of yoga and meditation we discover that although we can't help hiding parts of ourselves, we can help which parts of us - the open or the hidden - rule our lives. What we can be sure of is that when we're living in the open, life nourishes even those parts that are so carefully - and sometimes painfully - hidden.  Living a hidden or open life is like the concept of Yin and Yang (the ancient Chinese understanding of how opposites work in relation to each other). The outer circle represents "everything", while the black and white shapes within the circle represent the interaction of two energies - called "yin" (black) and "yang" (white) - which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white and each contains a part of the other, just as things in life are not completely black or white and they cannot exist without each other.  The hidden helps to nourish the open and the open helps to shine a light on the hidden.  Both are necessary.  Our practice helps us to live in the awareness of which aspect we choose to dwell in.

Mark Nepo writes:

"...we become so preoccupied with what we are not able to address, what we are not able to mend, what we are not able to leave behind, that we forget that whatever we are in the light of day is slowly, but surely healing the rest of us."

So, breathe into all of those things you feel incapable of solving in your personality, surround them with your awareness and breath.  Give them space and know that the part of you that is easy, the part that happens without any work is using its strength to soften what you can't solve.

Want to sit with what's present?  Try this: Viloma Pranayama-”Interupted Breathing” 

Perfect for connecting with both the light and the dark, Viloma pranayama brings a feeling of ease, calmness and lightness to the body (in Sanskrit "Vi" means against, "Loma" means hair, viloma means against the natural flow). In Viloma pranayama the inhalations and exhalations are interrupted with brief pauses. 

How to do it:

Exhale all your air then:Inhale 3, pause 3, inhale 3, pause 3, inhale 3, pause 3-long exhale.  Repeat x10 

Deep inhale then: exhale 3, pause 3, exhale 3, pause 3, exhale 3 , pause 3-deep inhale.  Repeat x10.

Inhale/exhale naturally x10

Today's Basic Vinyasa playlist:
"Soul of the Esraj" by Benjy Wertheimer

Until next time...

365 Journal Project: The Beginning

So, this past New Year's Eve, in the quiet closing hours of 2010, I sat in silence and for a long while reflected back on the year that had past.  It was a challenging year on many fronts to be sure; at times scary, tiring, and soul searching.  But it was also a year of love, light, prosperity, amazing personal growth, change and clarity (talk about Yin and Yang!).

2010 started out with uncertainty.  Someone I love more than anything suffered from complete mental exhaustion and mental breakdown.  I don't know if you've ever experienced such a thing, but all I can say is that other than the loss of my parents, it was perhaps one of the saddest, scariest and most challenging things I have ever come up against.  The months that followed consisted of a slow process of healing, rebuilding and awakening to a new way of life (an ongoing process we are told).  Much has changed as a result-in the best of ways-and out of the darkness of those first few months came incredible, transformation and light (in yoga we call this "tapas", the burning away of impurities, baby!)  I am truly thankful for it.  

Just as things were beginning to settle down, I had a major health crisis that took the wind out of my sails physically, mentally and spiritually.  With the help of John (my wonderful husband), my friends and an amazing Ayurvedic practitioner (Vishnu rocks!), my condition stabilized.  Thanks to my yoga practice I am strengthening my body and getting my stamina back.  It's been a slow, humbling process, but I'm feeling better and stronger every day.  Because of my meditation practice I have refreshed my mind and renewed my spirit.  Taking the time to sit and meditate each day will change your life!

What really astounded me was watching how the support of my meditation and yoga practices continued on without pause.  Even during the most difficult moments, even during the times when it felt as though I were getting kicked while I was down, the inner stillness was felt with profound clarity.  Daily practice kept me afloat and present with what was happening. Yoga and meditation saves me everyday and enriches my life in more ways than I can possibly articulate.  This isn't to say that I didn't have my moments of despair or self-pity, I'm human!  But daily practice allowed me to see and observe that those not-so-nice thoughts were impermanent.

When I started to get back on my feet towards the end of autumn, a little light started to flicker in me and grow brighter and brighter. In my life "B.Y." (Before Yoga) I worked as an artist and jewelry designer.  From the time I was small I was always creating something: paper dolls with my mother, castles made of cardboard, "cars" for our cats made out of discarded boxes, you name it.  When I got older the medium of collage resonated with me and it took off from there.

The 365 Journal Project is a project born out of my meditations.  I set an intention in my journal on New Year's Eve to work on some sort of artwork everyday.  This is what emerged:

 The next day I found myself pulling out my paper bits, glue, etc and turning the page in the journal for the next entry, and here I am 16 days later and still going!  It is my intention to document a full 365 days of visual mediations.  I don't start out with an idea or theme.  I simply let the images choose me.  I weave them together and when I'm through, the images reveal to me a deeper meaning, a doorway into my inner world, a mirror.

It is my hope to share with you what manifests.

In the meantime, I encourage you to get on your yoga mat and stretch, move, and breathe!  Sit in silence for 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes a day.  Ask questions of your spirit but don't wait for an answer.  Just listen with your heart.

Namaste :)

Love,
k